


Bedtime Prayers

by LiraelClayr007



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean thinks Cas is dead, Destiel - Freeform, Grief, M/M, Post Hello Cruel World, prayers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 16:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11212275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiraelClayr007/pseuds/LiraelClayr007
Summary: Dean is grieving the loss of Cas after the leviathans destroyed him. He knows Cas can't hear him anymore, but still he prays..





	Bedtime Prayers

“Now I lay me down to sleep…”

Dean stared into the darkness of the empty motel room. Why do I keep doing this to myself? The fingers of his left hand clutched at familiar, worn fabric. He felt his breath catch in his chest, and he gave in. He knew he would. 

“I know you can't hear me, Cas. I know you can't ever…but I still feel you everywhere I go. I still hear the rustle of feathers. And even after everything you…even after everything that happened, you're still the one I want to talk to.”

When he pulled it out of the water it had been dirty, streaked with mud and leviathan goo, but somehow--after it had been cleaned--the trenchcoat still smelled like Cas. Dean thought maybe it was some leftover bit of Cas’s grace. He didn't really care. The lingering scent was just one more reminder. And the trenchcoat was all he had left to hold in his hands. His grip was too tight; his knuckles ached. 

“Why, Cas? Why Crowley? We would have fought by your side, you know that. We could have figured something out. Why him? Why not...why not me?”

The last words were only a whisper. Unshed tears prickled in Dean’s eyes. He scrubbed them away with the back of his free hand, holding Cas even tighter with the other, welcoming the pain. 

“I'm angry, Cas. Some days I'm so full of so much fucking anger I can't see straight. You betrayed us, betrayed...and what you did to Sam…dammit Cas, I don't know how he's going to survive. I'm good at killing monsters. I'll face a vampire, a werewolf--hell, even a rogue angel--every day of the week. But I can't fight the demons in Sam’s head. I'm losing him, Cas. And that's on you.”

Dean closed his eyes. 

“But now you are gone, and none of that really matters anymore. I'm sorry, Castiel. I'm sorry I never told you...I'm sorry I waited until you couldn't hear me anymore to finally...I love you, Cas. I have for a long time.”

Dean buried his face in the trenchcoat. 

“Oh Cas,” he breathed, his voice breaking. “Why can't you get your feathery ass home?”

***

Emmanuel sat on his porch, gazing at the stars. It was a dark, moonless night, but suddenly he was filled with an impression of soft mossy green and a feeling of deep, aching grief and anger. 

“Father,” he prayed, “I don't know who he is, but there is someone out there who needs me. You have given me a gift, please put him in my path so I can--”

Before he could finish his prayer Emmanuel felt a wash of more feeling from the unknown man: love.

I want to meet this man who can feel such pain and anger and love all at once, thought Emmanuel. 

He looked again at the stars and went back to his prayers.


End file.
